The Struggles of Divorce

    This is my last post for the semester! At first I wasn't sure how I would feel about writing a blog because I didn't feel confident in my ability, but after writing over the last 14 weeks, I have come to really love writing blogs. To me it feel like an online journal where I can share my thoughts and feelings. This week has a bit of a more sad feeling. In the previous weeks, I have discussed ways to make and keep a happy family life but this week we will talk about divorce. For Christians, divorce has a kind of taboo vibe. In Matthew 19, Jesus teaches that "from the beginning it was not so". When I was on my mission in Arizona, I often helped people who struggled with this scripture. Would Christ ever approve of a divorce or is it always bad? I can say that divorce isn't always bad. Sometimes divorce can be a good thing even though it is difficult. For example, when a spouse is abusive, when they commit adultery, when they break sacred covenants, etc. 

    Sometimes people rush into divorces. 70% of people involved in a divorce have reported that within two years they regret getting the divorce. Something that I have discovered to be common is that people who get married expect marriage to be exciting and fun 100% of the time. After a while, these people discover that marriage requires work and patience. Here is another statistic: 70% of people who rate their marriage as "very unsatisfactory" later changed their rate to "very satisfactory" if they remained married for the next five years. To share an example of this, my wife has a friend who's brother married a girl who seemed perfect. They had dated for about two years, they were best friends, and everything just pointed in the right direction. Shortly after they were married, the girl soon became manipulative, controlling, rude, and basically became the opposite person who the guy had originally married. They were on the verge of divorce for a while. They are now doing better and making improvements. So what can we learn from this? First thing is that you can change a bad marriage. Divorce should only be a last case scenario, not a quick solution as soon as things become inconvenient. The second lesson we can learn from this is that no matter how long you date someone, you will never fully know someone. There will always be something to learn about them. My grandparents for example have been married for 68 years. When I asked them if they know everything about their spouse, they both said that they learn something new about the other person almost every day. 

    Now let's talk about some of the reasons why people get divorced:

    Pornography. Prior to the 80's, pornography had to be actively sought out. You would have to go to a store in town, buy a magazine, and then keep the magazine in a safe place. Today, pornography is readily available and free. Pornography typically starts as a curiosity and quickly becomes an addiction. Addiction takes away a person's agency or their ability to make their own choices. I have learned that people who are fighting an addiction don't want to look at pornography, they have to look at pornography. They can't function without it. If you or someone you know struggles with pornography, be patient. Encourage them to seek therapy, love them, and hate the addiction. Understand that pornography can be beaten. You can live to see the day when this addiction is a thing of the past. Jesus Christ atoned for our sins and our weaknesses so that we can be forgiven every day.

    Abuse. Either the husband or the wife can be the abuser or the abused. This can be verbal, emotional, physical, sexual, or any other way. Abuse can take many forms and is dangerous because the abuse can sometimes only be internal and nobody would know unless the victim spoke out which is often not the case because of the fear of being hurt even more.

    Money. People within a marriage should share one bank account. Communicate what is going in and out of the bank. Money can be a huge stressor especially when you have different financial habits from your spouse. This will take some adjustments but be patient and willing to learn something new!