The Stress of Raising a Family

     Where do I begin? There is stress at every level of family life. For this blog today, I will go through the stages of life and review some of the stressors that are associated with the corresponding stage. Many of the stress that we experience is external, but we can quickly internalize it and make it grow worse. There are many things we can do to help us cope with our stress, but the biggest thing is having faith in our Father in Heaven and trust that despite whatever we may be going through, our Father is aware of our situation and is with us as we endure to the end. He cries with us when we cry, and He rejoices when we rejoice.

    Let's being with dating. For me, the most stressful part of dating was the filtering through the girls who didn't want commitment. I thought dating was fun, but I was so excited for it to be done! Ever since I could remember, I've wanted to be a husband and a father. Of course I wouldn't say that to my dates, but my intention was to see if we were compatible enough to move to a more serious stage such as exclusive dating. Girl after girl, once I mentioned becoming boyfriend and girlfriend they would panic and text me later that night that they didn't want to go out anymore. That was really hard for me but what helped me cope with this kind of dating stress is to just remember that despite dating so many people, I was having a great learning experience where I learned more about who I am, and what I want. I also trusted that Heavenly Father was trust bringing me one step closer to meeting my future wife.

    Now let's discuss marriage. Once you have found your person, different kinds of struggles come up. Before I get into the stressors of marriage I want to first make sure I don't make marriage sound horrible. Yes, there are difficult things in marriage, but it is the best thing I have ever done. I love my wife, and I am a better person because of her, and although our lives aren't perfect, I wouldn't change a thing! One of the most stressful things in marriage, from my experience, is learning how to help my wife when she is sad, in pain, grieving, etc. For me, I grew up with the "push through" mentality. I never really dwelled on things that happened in life, I just pushed through. My wife on the other hand, will never move past something until the issue has been resolved. It can be difficult navigating through this and learning how to help your spouse, but I have greatly learned the value of validation. Many people have seen the "Nail in the Forehead" video. It teaches a great lesson that when people have a problem, they don't need an immediate problem solving answer. They just need someone to let them know that their emotions are real and that it is ok to struggle. Validation doesn't necessarily remove the stress, but it does help to cope when you don't feel alone, and you feel heard and understood.

    Finally, I want to throw in a list of DBT skills that everyone can utilize in coping with stress. DBT stands for "Dialectical Behavioral Therapy". DBT has four categories: Mindfulness, Distress Tolerance, Emotional Regulation, and Interpersonal Relatedness. All of these categories are helpful in their own way, but I want to focus on Mindfulness and Distress Tolerance. I will only mention a few skills and provide a brief description of what they are. Mindfulness draws the brain's focus to the present moment in an attempt to slow down life and achieve inner peace (dbtselfhelp.com). One of the mindfulness I enjoy is self awareness. This is a skill where you consciously think about each part of your body all the way from your head to the bottom of your toes. For Distress Tolerance,  Radical Acceptance is a great skill. Radical acceptance is basically the mentality of "it is what it is". There are four aspects to radical acceptance: You can try to solve the problem, you can change how you feel about the problem, you can accept the situation, or you can do nothing and stay miserable. 

    In this blog, I have reviewed some stages of life and the stress that comes with them. I have also mentioned some clinical skills that are beneficial to practice. There are many things we can do to help us cope with our stress, and I just want to reiterate that the biggest thing is having faith in our Father in Heaven and trust that despite whatever we may be going through, our Father is aware of our situation and is with us as we endure to the end. He cries with us when we cry, and He rejoices when we rejoice.

https://dbtselfhelp.com/dbt-skills-list/mindfulness/

https://dbtselfhelp.com/dbt-skills-list/distress-tolerance/radical-acceptance/