Creating the Family You Want

    Wouldn't it be nice if we could control our children? Obviously that's only a dream for many parents, but would it actually be a good thing? I know for some of my siblings, my parents were worried sick when they would go out, not knowing if their friends were good influences, what they were doing, and when or if they would come back. That must be a really hard thing to deal with. So how can we shape our family into what we want them to be while still allowing them to make their own choices? Let's step back for a moment and take a look at the world around us.

    Our culture has its ups and downs. Each of us has many opportunities to make a life that we want, yet there is a lot of hatred between races, political parties, communities, and sometimes even religions. From my perspective, a lot of these problems happen because they want the other person to be like them. Does this sound familiar? So many of our problems come from us trying to change others. For the first couple years of childhood, it's ok to discipline children when they misbehave but when they start to enter adolescence, autonomy begins to play a very important role. Joseph Smith described the way he leads, "I teach them correct principles and they govern themselves." How do we teach correct principles? 1. Lead by example. 2. Have formal lessons where you sit down and teach your kids. 3. Connect with them.

    Lead by example. Family begins with the husband and wife. As a husband and wife show your kids how to behave both in the home, and in public. Are you patient with your spouse? Do you go on frequent dates? Do you serve each other? If you don't do these things, how can you expect your children to serve, care for, and love others?

    Have formal lessons where you sit down and teach your kids. Growing up, my parents would hold Family Home Evening on Monday nights where we would have a lesson, activity, and often a treat. These were vital moments in my life where I got to learn and grow from my parents knowledge and wisdom. I remember so many of these evenings where the Spirit was felt, tears were shed, and bonds were strengthened both to each other and with our Heavenly Father and Savior. The topics varied, sometimes we discussed faith in God, charity, repentance, recreation, and dating among others, and all of these helped me in my teenage years when I had to choose for myself if I were going to live these principles.

    And finally, connect with your children. If you want to cause a true change in the lives of your kids, please connect with them. Go on dates once a month, and occasionally go on a weekend trip just you and one child. When I was a kid my dad would individually take me and each of my siblings on a short trip. Sometimes we would go fishing, camping, visit the city, stay in a hotel, etc. These trips strengthened my bond with my dad in ways that nothing else could. But you also don't have to go on long extravagant trips, most often it is the evening at home that can make a big difference in the lives of your children. Play card games, throw a football, watch a movie, go on a walk, visit the local park, sit on the tailgate of your truck and just talk! Recreation in the family can build a culture that you want by learning how to be kind, emotionally connecting, and just having fun.

    Remember that in the end, your kids will choose the path the want. And unfortunately, that path isn't always the one we as parents want. Our children may do things that we don't love, make us question their integrity and character, or doubt the way we raised them. This is not the time to judge them. This is the time to love them, show support, and listen to them. Our kids need to know that over everything, they are our kids and we love them. They may not change immediately, they may not ever change, but they will know who they can trust and who they can go to for support.