Interpreting Behavior

     If I were to start singing Jingle Bells what would you think of? Christmas? That's what I would think of too. That's because you have learned to associate Jingle Bells with Christmas through your experiences. Now think of an experience in your past that triggers specific emotions. An example could be when I was younger and would do something to get me in trouble, my mom would give me "the look". I'm sure you know exactly what I'm talking about because your mom probably did the same thing. When she gave the look, I would feel anxious, regretful, maybe even a little bit scared of the consequences. Now, years later, my wife will occasionally give me the same look that my mom would give me when I did something wrong and immediately, I would become defensive, anxious, frustrated, and all the other feelings and I would direct them towards my wife. But you know what's different? My wife isn't even mad at me, in fact, she may not even realize she's giving me "the look". This is an example of the Symbolic Interaction Theory. In short, this theory claims that behavior has meaning, and each of us interpret that behavior. According to Marcia Mediation Group, miscommunication is one of the leading causes for divorce. How many times have you been in an argument just to realize at the end, it was all just a big misunderstanding? I know I have been in plenty of those situations. In fact, that's really the only kind of arguments (their not really arguments, more like discussion on things we can improve on) that my wife and I go through. Both of us are used to just burying our feelings and letting them die in their own time, and we both realize that that can actually hurt our relationship. Being open in a relationship is very important because we may have done something to hurt those closest to us without even realizing it. Sitting down and letting that person know how you feel is very important and then on the reverse side, when someone is trying to be open to you, make sure you validate their emotions! Nobody is ever wrong for being hurt, and it is important for them to understand that, we just want to be careful to not always validate their actions because sometimes those can be detrimental like if someone tries to get even. So should we try to avoid these situations or prevent them from happening? Of course not! If we did this, we would just be emotionless zombies, which would still find a way of offending someone. David A. Bednar, one of the Twelve Apostles for the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints taught in April 2006, that being offended is a choice. We don't have control over other people and their actions but we do have control over our actions. It is ok to have our feelings hurt, God gave us emotions so we can experience all of them, even the difficult ones, but we must be careful we don't let our emotions control us and cause us to hold grudges, or want to get even or seek revenge.

    Now let me briefly touch on an important topic regarding interpreting behavior. We always hear that we shouldn't judge people and we take that to mean we shouldn't assume the worst so instead we assume the best. An example of this could be if someone cuts you off on the road and you assume they didn't see you or maybe there is an emergency. Another example could be that person was very short toned with me so they must be having a bad day. These aren't necessarily things we shouldn't do, but let me give you an example of where assuming the best is not a good thing. Let's say you are in a romantic relationship with someone and they hit you repeatedly day after day but you just put up with it because I deserve it, or they were just raised that way, or maybe they were abused as a child and that is how they deal with things. This is where assuming the best can be dangerous. Sometimes, people really are just jerks, or they don't care about your safety, and maybe this person is just straight up abusive! I plead with all of you to make realistic assumptions, don't automatically assume the best or the worst. Analyze what is going on and take necessary steps to make improvements. 

    To wrap things up, Jesus Christ taught us to love our enemies. Please don't make an enemy out of someone who loves you because of miscommunication. Learn to talk to each other and be open and vulnerable so that you can improve your relationships. I promise that doing this can give you a greater capacity to love. And if any of you are in an abusive relationship, please seek help. I will post the link to the hotline for abuse victims down at the bottom.

https://www.thehotline.org/?utm_source=google&utm_medium=organic&utm_campaign=domestic_violence 

https://marciamediation.co.uk/lack-of-communication-is-one-of-the-lead-causes-of-divorce/