Lets Talk About Sex

     Sex can be an uncomfortable topic of discussion for anyone, but it doesn't have to be. Sex is meant to be a beautiful thing, ordained of God to bring enjoyment to a marriage. Sex isn't just physical, sex is emotional and relational. In order to have great sex you need more than just a comfortable bed. In this blog, I'll discuss some of the various aspects of sex.

    Let's begin with when we should learn about and discuss sex. I'm not going to tell you what is right or wrong because obviously everything I talk about can be right for one person, and wrong for another. For me, I began to learn about sex when I was about ten years old. My parents would help me feel comfortable and then talk to me about what sex is. At first I was incredible uncomfortable. I would sit in the fetal position and rock back and forth. But although I appeared to be uncomfortable, I was listening. For kids today, pornography is readily available. Learning from my parents about how sex is sacred, and why I should wait until I'm married helped me understand why pornography is evil and it helped me resist it during my teenage years. I think ten years old is an appropriate age to start discussing sex with your own kids. Sex education should not be coming from our schools. The home is the safest place to get sex education.

    When you are about 16 years old and can start dating for real, be sure to keep dating very casual. I don't mean to text your date or call him or her "bro" and "dude". Dating at any age should be treated with respect. What I mean by casual is that dating shouldn't be exclusive. When you date between the ages of 16-18, you should be "dating around" and date more than one person at a time! This might seem old fashioned, but only being 23 years old myself, I can see the benefit of dating around. This may be considered cheating in todays standards but what is the point of dating? To learn about yourself, and learn about the kind of person you would want to marry. Many people today see marriage as a burden and a chain and they choose to stay in this dating stage that requires zero commitment. How valuable would you feel if the person you loved didn't love you enough to commit to you through marriage? That is why dating is so important, because it shows you the kind of person you would or would not want to be with for eternity.

    After the age of 19 is about when you should start seriously considering marriage. You don't have to be trying to get married at 19, but after dating for fun between the ages of 16-18, you should start dating seriously. Go on one on one dates with the same person and become "boyfriend and girlfriend". Ensure to keep proper boundaries. It is easy to justify pre-marital sex when you start to feel you love the person you're dating. As mentioned in the previous paragraph, sex before marriage is shallow and only makes the person feel less valuable because you didn't wait for the commitment. 

    Once you are married, have sex but only when you and your spouse are ready for it. Just because they agreed to marry you, that doesn't mean they are automatically ready to have sex with you. In Christian culture, we are continually taught to not have sex and then as soon as you are married, sex automatically becomes ok and even a good thing. That is a strange transition from instantly going from bad to good. Allow your spouse time to prepare and if that isn't on the wedding night, then show your spouse how much you love them by being ok with that. After they have become ready, be sure to set the mood. Candles and dim lighting are good, but go the extra mile and help your spouse feel safe and comfortable be talking a while, let them know how much you love them and clean the house. Take care of anything that might keep their mind off of spending time with you. If you are further along in marriage, get the kids fed and ready for bed while your spouse relaxes and gets ready for your special evening.

    After you've had sex, your job isn't done yet. Sit there a while and cuddle. This will help your spouse know that their only purpose isn't just for your pleasure. Sitting and talking after sex is a great way to show your spouse that you love to be with them and their feelings are important to you. Take a shower with them and let them know how much you love them.

    There is more to sex than what I have discussed today, but if you follow the advice I've given you, I can promise you that you will be on the road to a happy, fulfilling, joyful, and meaningful relationship.